I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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