Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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