I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
