apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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