Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
