You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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