dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
