it was like eating out sand paper
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I intend to get homeless drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
