I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
