You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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