so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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