If that was your dad, he is hot
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
