I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
