omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
