lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize