I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
