ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
