I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
