I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
...so i touched it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize