just come out here and I will go home with you...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
