Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
