Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
