apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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