he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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