I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
