She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize