I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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