My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
