I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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