I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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