If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so let's talk penis.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
