It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
