wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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