Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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