Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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