I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
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Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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