Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There r osticjed everywhere
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
