I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
