I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
