Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
