dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
