I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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