Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Randomize
