Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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