We're facebook friends in real life
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
