i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
