Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
