At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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