so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
