my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
