I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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