I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
