he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
