My room smells like vodka and shame
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
