dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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