I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
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I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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