Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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