She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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