Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
