You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
