Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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