This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
