if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
