My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
