I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
