party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
