I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
