I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad