I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together