Banned from zoo.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH