Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.