Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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