i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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