When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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